Supermarkets...
Rant for today... Supermarkets!
I hate supermarkets. I hate supermarket trollies. I hate checkouts. I hate the layouts. I hate the carparks.
I will now, in detail, describe to you last nights supermarket dash... (or more like supermarket trundle)...
Drove into carpark quite happily singing along to my Roxy Music CD as you do. I spot space. I go to pull into space, car appears in my space. He obviously drove through from a space the otherside and, being the complete self centred, chauvanistic wanker he really is, wouldn't reverse back into the space behind. In fact, he got out of his car, ignored me and buggered off, in the OPPOSITE direction to the supermarket. Knob!
After managing to park my car, i went for a trolley. i found a trolley floating around (They are all on a pound system, i had no pound). This trolley wouldn't be pushed in a straight line. It was like 'No, fuck you bitch, i'm resting'. Bastard.
Now, i only went to the supermarket to by our tea, which was gonna be warm chicken salad with bacon bits. You know, the most satisfying crunchy part of any salad. Bacon bits. mmmmmm i love bacon bits. Could i find the fucking bacon bits????? Where are the bacon bits hmmm? Hey! Asda! Where the FUCK are the bacon bits??? they used to be right here, you know, by the salad dressings and right next to the onion bits, where bacon bits should live. There wasn't even a fucking space for the bacon bits. I asked a gormless looking 'helper' for help. I might as well asked a lump of turd for all the help she was...
Me - excuse me. where are the bacon bits? they used to be here and now they have been moved.
Her - Bacon? why thats by the sausages. I'll just show...
Me - No, sorry, Bacon bits. you know, that go in a salad. Crunchy things called Bacos.
Her - Bacon bits? We've never sold them. I've never heard of them.
Me - yes you have, i buy them from here every week.
Her - no sorry, we have none.
Me - what??
Her - if they are not here then obviously we have none. Are you sure you've bought them from here in the past?
Me - (very low tone) Look. I am obviously asking the cleaner for help. Do not insult my intelligence by suggesting that i am in the wrong shop. I buy the sodding bacon bits from here every god damn mother fucking week. I know where they are kept. I know exactly what shelf they are on. If you cannot be bothered to fucking well go and ask your supervisor for help because you have shit for brains and can't help me then so help me god i will shove the fucking things right up your ass until you are tasting the little bastards. Got me?
Her - ok then.
Conclusion - did i get my bacon bits? No i fucking didn't. Did i enjoy my tea without the bacon bits? No i fucking didn't. Asda, get yourself some decent staff and do yourselves a massive favour. I expect there to be bacon bits next time i shop with you. ok?
Reason why shes pissy today? Incomptant fuckers and lousey supermarkets.
I hate supermarkets. I hate supermarket trollies. I hate checkouts. I hate the layouts. I hate the carparks.
I will now, in detail, describe to you last nights supermarket dash... (or more like supermarket trundle)...
Drove into carpark quite happily singing along to my Roxy Music CD as you do. I spot space. I go to pull into space, car appears in my space. He obviously drove through from a space the otherside and, being the complete self centred, chauvanistic wanker he really is, wouldn't reverse back into the space behind. In fact, he got out of his car, ignored me and buggered off, in the OPPOSITE direction to the supermarket. Knob!
After managing to park my car, i went for a trolley. i found a trolley floating around (They are all on a pound system, i had no pound). This trolley wouldn't be pushed in a straight line. It was like 'No, fuck you bitch, i'm resting'. Bastard.
Now, i only went to the supermarket to by our tea, which was gonna be warm chicken salad with bacon bits. You know, the most satisfying crunchy part of any salad. Bacon bits. mmmmmm i love bacon bits. Could i find the fucking bacon bits????? Where are the bacon bits hmmm? Hey! Asda! Where the FUCK are the bacon bits??? they used to be right here, you know, by the salad dressings and right next to the onion bits, where bacon bits should live. There wasn't even a fucking space for the bacon bits. I asked a gormless looking 'helper' for help. I might as well asked a lump of turd for all the help she was...
Me - excuse me. where are the bacon bits? they used to be here and now they have been moved.
Her - Bacon? why thats by the sausages. I'll just show...
Me - No, sorry, Bacon bits. you know, that go in a salad. Crunchy things called Bacos.
Her - Bacon bits? We've never sold them. I've never heard of them.
Me - yes you have, i buy them from here every week.
Her - no sorry, we have none.
Me - what??
Her - if they are not here then obviously we have none. Are you sure you've bought them from here in the past?
Me - (very low tone) Look. I am obviously asking the cleaner for help. Do not insult my intelligence by suggesting that i am in the wrong shop. I buy the sodding bacon bits from here every god damn mother fucking week. I know where they are kept. I know exactly what shelf they are on. If you cannot be bothered to fucking well go and ask your supervisor for help because you have shit for brains and can't help me then so help me god i will shove the fucking things right up your ass until you are tasting the little bastards. Got me?
Her - ok then.
Conclusion - did i get my bacon bits? No i fucking didn't. Did i enjoy my tea without the bacon bits? No i fucking didn't. Asda, get yourself some decent staff and do yourselves a massive favour. I expect there to be bacon bits next time i shop with you. ok?
Reason why shes pissy today? Incomptant fuckers and lousey supermarkets.
posted by LMPP at 2:13 PM
