Help needed
I need advice and i need it like now!! Can anyone help me??
I have 2 really good friends. They are the world to me. One of these friends has been seeing a guy for 9 weeks tomorrow. Within this short space of time she has;
* More or less moved in with him
* Agreed to have his baby
* Accepted his proposal of marriage
* Had 3 major rows that resulted in her coming to me in a complete state
* Took a beating from him
Within this short space of time HE has;
* Stopped her talking to particular friends because he doesn't like them
* Berated her close friends by calling them names and saying nasty things about them, joking or not joking - anyones guess
* Borrowed money from her
* Beat her
As you can probably tell, i am quite concerned. I am fucking going out of my mind about the beating he gave her. At this moment he is 'taking time out to think' about things while my friend sits there worrying that he will finish with her. I've told her that she's absolutely bonkers if she thinks he won't do this again, but she is still determined to be with him.
I know i can't stop her being with him, i can only be here for her if anything else happens. I can't speak to her in depth because she will either change the subject or walk away. I'm scared that he will end up doing some serious damage to her.
What can i do?? It breaks my heart to see her in this state. I sorely hope he will tell her he doesn't wanna be with her anymore so we can pick up the pieces and put her back together now, hypothetically not literally as it might be if she goes back. She needs to make her own mistakes, but not at the cost of her wellbeing.
He's never been a threat to me, if anything he has been quite nice to all her friends, to their faces. I thought he was an ok guy despite his bitching about people, but we all do that. Now i'm pertrified of him, my other friend is losing sleep wondering if this friend will still be ok the next day.
How can i say to her what we, her closest friends are feeling about the whole mess? How can i tell her to keep away? Should i just butt out and let her get on with it?
I have 2 really good friends. They are the world to me. One of these friends has been seeing a guy for 9 weeks tomorrow. Within this short space of time she has;
* More or less moved in with him
* Agreed to have his baby
* Accepted his proposal of marriage
* Had 3 major rows that resulted in her coming to me in a complete state
* Took a beating from him
Within this short space of time HE has;
* Stopped her talking to particular friends because he doesn't like them
* Berated her close friends by calling them names and saying nasty things about them, joking or not joking - anyones guess
* Borrowed money from her
* Beat her
As you can probably tell, i am quite concerned. I am fucking going out of my mind about the beating he gave her. At this moment he is 'taking time out to think' about things while my friend sits there worrying that he will finish with her. I've told her that she's absolutely bonkers if she thinks he won't do this again, but she is still determined to be with him.
I know i can't stop her being with him, i can only be here for her if anything else happens. I can't speak to her in depth because she will either change the subject or walk away. I'm scared that he will end up doing some serious damage to her.
What can i do?? It breaks my heart to see her in this state. I sorely hope he will tell her he doesn't wanna be with her anymore so we can pick up the pieces and put her back together now, hypothetically not literally as it might be if she goes back. She needs to make her own mistakes, but not at the cost of her wellbeing.
He's never been a threat to me, if anything he has been quite nice to all her friends, to their faces. I thought he was an ok guy despite his bitching about people, but we all do that. Now i'm pertrified of him, my other friend is losing sleep wondering if this friend will still be ok the next day.
How can i say to her what we, her closest friends are feeling about the whole mess? How can i tell her to keep away? Should i just butt out and let her get on with it?
posted by LMPP at 10:15 PM
She won't listen to any negative talk about him, and she won't listen to you when you tell her to leave him. That's just the way it is, and nothing to do with you. Keep being her friend. If he wants her to cut off contact with everyone, keep calling her when you know he won't be around. Take her out for a soda or something, without him, if you can.
Don't let him stop you from being her friend, even if she acts like she doesn't want you around, she really does. He will be very persuasive with her, and I'm sure that when he's "nice" to her he is a total Prince Charming. They all are. He will promise her he loves her and will do anything to make her happy. Until, of course, she pisses him off.
Too bad you can't take her to secretly get an IUD or something where he wouldn't know she's on birth control. Abusive men get WORSE during pregnancy.
There's not much you can do now but still be her friend. Been there, done that, brought home the t-shirt. You just do the best you can. If she gets beaten again, drive her to the emergency room even if she protests that she's fine. Let the abuse get documented.