Sunday Sunday
My weekend was pretty uneventful. I had a really nice day in on Saturday. (i don't get many of them). I cleaned my house and watch loads of shite tv. It was, in my opinion, a really relaxing 'do what LMPP wants to do' day.
Then came Sunday.
Sunday - I was attacked and beaten. I've been left with bruises, scratches and severe mental distress.
I was attacked... by a baby!
Yes, this cute little 18 month old lobbed a skittle ball at my head and fuck me, they are heavy bastards. He then jabbed me in the throat ninja style, completly erasing my ability to speak. And whilst i was down, he kicked me in the belly. I was a wreck.
His grampy came along to find me, his bar staff, on the floor, choking and spluttering, and the baby laughing his arse off, skittle ball in hand, ready to finish me off!!
Grampy - 'Have you said sorry to her hmmm??'
Baby - 'nah' *giggles and spits*
G - 'why not?'
B - 'Funny' *squeals with delight*
Baby then lobs skittle ball that narrowly misses my face.
I am, completely traumatised.
Then came Sunday.
Sunday - I was attacked and beaten. I've been left with bruises, scratches and severe mental distress.
I was attacked... by a baby!
Yes, this cute little 18 month old lobbed a skittle ball at my head and fuck me, they are heavy bastards. He then jabbed me in the throat ninja style, completly erasing my ability to speak. And whilst i was down, he kicked me in the belly. I was a wreck.
His grampy came along to find me, his bar staff, on the floor, choking and spluttering, and the baby laughing his arse off, skittle ball in hand, ready to finish me off!!
Grampy - 'Have you said sorry to her hmmm??'
Baby - 'nah' *giggles and spits*
G - 'why not?'
B - 'Funny' *squeals with delight*
Baby then lobs skittle ball that narrowly misses my face.
I am, completely traumatised.
posted by LMPP at 6:43 PM
I hate kids. I really really hate them. And I hate their parents who can't keep them under control.
Would help if the parents were there. Unfortunately, one is abroad and the other was banger racing. Grampy was in control somewhat!
Welcome to my life LMPP.
I would like to officially curse chicken little. May you have triplets.
QUESTIONS:
1) What is a skittle ball? Is that Skittle as in Skittles candy?
2) What is banger racing? That sounds dirty.
AND, a still not-addressed question:
What, exactly, is a Birk?
A skittle ball is like a cricket ball but much, much bigger. It's a game played in pubs and said pubs have teams that play each other.
Banger racing is where a lot of men get together and race clapped out cars and smash them up.
A birk moment is in honour of our sacked boss whose surname was birk and was really a bit of a 'birk' himself.
There you have it. Weird english games and a birk.
That's so hot.