LMPP's Straightening of hair fun & frolics

*The below is a true account of the happenings in LMPP's front room on Sunday. All events that are similar to living persons probably are coincedental as i'm sure I can't be the only person in the world to experience such palava.*

LMPP 'Arggghhhhghghghghghghgh' *fearfully shrinking back into kitchen chair*
Trainee Hairdresser (THD) 'What?! WHAT???' *Waving straighteners in face*
LMPP 'getthegoddamnmotherfuckinthingsawayfrommyfacerightnow.'
THD 'Wha...?'
LMPP 'AWAYFROMMYFACE'
THD 'Don't worry, i wouldn't hurt you'
LMPP *small voice* 'are you sure' *whimpering commences*
THD 'Yeah, i've done this loadsa times'

*Brief silence apart from the sisssscroussssssss of the hair straigheners.*

LMPP (thinks) hmmm thats a bit hot by my e.....
LMPP 'ARRGHHGGGGHHHH GODAMMITBITCH'
THD 'shit'
LMPP *whimpers* 'my ear. my poor little ear' *commence sobbing*
THD 'i'm so sorry. Let me just...'
LMPP 'ifyouevercomenearmewiththosefuckingeartorturersagainiwillkillyou. Kill You.' *growls*
THD *bursts into tears*
LMPP 'ok, now i feel guilty. come, straighen my hair somemore. I don't want any ears anyway'
THD 'ok'

*sisssscrousssss. sissscrousssss*

THD 'Ok, i'm done'
LMPP 'gimme a mirror'. *looks* 'Ohhhhhh i have straight hair'
THD 'is it ok?'
LMPP 'Ohhhhh i've have straight hair'
THD 'Do you like it?'
LMPP 'Ohhhhhhh'
THD *visabally relaxes* 'thankyoulord'
LMPP *mesmerised* 'ohhhh'
D 'for fucks sake. Can we go to the pub now?'
LMPP 'Pub? Ohhhhh'
D 'yes. pub. I. need. beer.'
LMPP 'ok.' *ohhhhh*

I have straight hair. Ohhhhh.