Happy Happy Joy Joy...

Why is it that when I want the cat to cuddle up to me he does his best to get away, yet when I really don't want him to cuddle up to me he's hell bent on doing so...

The last 4 nights have been hell. We don't have a door in the flat that shuts properly so Darth can push his way in at any time. For the last 4 nights, he's taken to sleeping on my side of the bed. While I'm in it.

D's side isn't good enough for Darth. It has to be my side and it has to be where I would put my legs. So, for the last 4 nights I've been either curled right up or sleeping on an angle which pisses D off no end because I 'intrude' into his 'space'.

I've tried pushing him off, he just gets right back on. This cat is the cat equivilent of a serial stalker. Today, I am the equivilent of a mental patient intent on eating people who come my way. 'What's that Steve? Come into my office, I'm going to bite your head off!'

Apparently, according to the radio, 'Elvis ain't Dead.' If that bloke sings 'Elvis ain't dead' one more time I'm going to shove the radio up his arse. Oh god. Now I have Will bloody Young warbling nasally about letting people down.

Seriously Will, no one gives a shit if you didn't put 'her first'. Her? Thought you swung the other way mate?

I've ran out of people to eat. I'm off to find some.

Normal LMPP will resume once she's had a nice long cat free sleep.

It's all gone...

Not all of it though.

I finally did it. After months of shall I, shan't I, I finally had my hair cut short.

Not mega short, just from 5 inches below my shoulders to just under my ears and no, my head does not feel lighter for it.

Now all I need to do is work out how to take a photo & get it on here by using my mobile...

When bored...abuse the cat...

When I get home from work around 5pm ish, the first thing Darth does is meow loudly at the door for a trip to the bathroom. My cat is bonkers, did you know that?

Usually, as I am already busting my ass for a pee, I oblige.

Yesterday, Darth became obsessed with the bath so I turned the tap on for him. He, being a cat, crapped himself & turned to get away from the stream of nasty water & in his haste got one of his front paws wet. He then proceeded to limp about for the next 3 hours, refusing to put his paw on the floor while he walked.

It's not acid, you stupid cat.

Eventually, he gave up with the wounded cat act. I shook his treat pot & lo and behold, the limp was gone. Actually, I think he realised he had been tricked as he sat with his back to me for the rest of the evening, lashing out at my leg every time I walked near him. I have a huge scratch on my arm where he caught me...

Earlier this week, whilst chasing his tail, he managed to catch his tail between his legs and get his claw stuck in it. I seriously have never seen anything as funny as a cat trying to leg it with a tail stuck up between his legs and a paw trapped in his tail. I cried!

Yesterday lunchtime, I was attacked by the worlds biggest spider. It dangled in front of my face and spread its legs at me, like it was going to eat my head or something. I was sat in a very small car at the time so I couldn't run. My boss saved me, but only after he removed the twig that had landed on his precious bonnet & laughed at me for a minute or so.

My throat is still hurting from all the screaming!

I know how to pour a pint of Guinness thanks...

There is a girl that works with me at the pub who sometimes really gets up my nose. Especially when she gets her head up her ass.

On Sunday, she corrected me on how to pour a pint of Guinness.

She actually took the pint out of my hand, bumped me out of the way and said 'that's not how you do it. Whinge whingey whinge'.

Can you imagine how pissed off I was? Go on, imagine. Stupid Bitch.

On a much happier note, It's my parents wedding anniversary today & in 14 days time it will be my 1st!

Woohoo!!