Ok so last night...

...I didn't dream or have nightmares. None that I can remember anyway. I did wake up and thought it was Saturday, and evidently was late for work. Not be much but still enough to put me in a bad mood today.

And what has since darkened my mood somewhat else since this morning, is stupid requests from customers to 'attend site - obstruction - signage 50%' and when we get there, the obstruction is no less than a 10ft high petrol station price sign that is concreted into asphalt. Do we get paid for this? No. Do we get an apology for a wild goose chase? No. Instead, we get a 'Well why can't you move the obstruction?' and 'We will have to fine you for 'non rectification of fault report.' Sorry, shall I just whip out my JCB and move it to the right a little for you??

And you know what else, I so wish it was Saturday!

Nightmares & the like...

You know, if I sleep on my back, that's when I have nightmares. I tend to fall alseep on my side which pisses me off as strangely enough I like to have nightmares, I feel invigorated when I jolt awake.

Anyway, last night I had a dream-cum-nightmare that freaked me right out...

I had a cabbage patch doll (CPD) that was toddler sized (and looked a bit like my niece) and I hated it. I hated it so much I tied it, by the foot, to a helium balloon at launched it off a ladder. It flew along while I ran after it and it eventually landed in the park behind my mum's house. It landed on a beach that was covered in bright green grass and had massive puddles dotted around everywhere. (Here's the freaky bit.) The CPD got up and ran around the grass beach while I watched in horror as I thought it was only a doll. I couldn't climb over the wall because I had no feet to hitch myself over. I watched the doll-cum-kid run around, arms in the air and such, until it fell into a puddle and drowned. I turned to the family that had appeared next to me in hysterics as ultimately I'd caused this and they laughed at me and said it was only a doll. When I looked back, the CPD was sat on the wall, as a doll, full of water and cut grass. When I went to pick it up and take it home, it spoke and said 'The cat is inside, the cat. He will eat the paperwork if you leave his ears alone', and then fell off the wall back into the puddle...

Even weirder, I woke up about now. It was 5.30am and I got out of bed as I badly needed a wee. I walked into the hallway and Darth (my cat) was sat on top of Saturdays post chewing the corner of one of the envelopes.

So ok, I killed a Cabbage Patch Doll and predicted that my cat was going to 'eat the paperwork' in one dream. I didn't touch Darths ears, he looked a bit like he wanted to eat me as well as the envelope. I did drag the post away from him and found that the envelope he was eating was the council tax bill. So I gave that one back to him, I hate looking at council tax bills.

300 Posts - wow!

My last post was my 300th post. Who knew I had so much to say.

The situation below has gone critical. The person in question has quit. Walked out. Gone. I am sad in a way, but at least that means the incessant sniping can stop. No longer will I have to run away from conversations.

Again I have gut problems. Won't go into detail. Lets just say no one wants to come near me, not even the cat. The cat actually runs away from me. I seriously need to sort this out, I have to work with the public tonight.

Poo is hitting the fan...

There is a hell of a lot of poo hitting various fans and spreading like evil fingers trying to grab you and suck you in... I am seriously not intrested.

You may well be aware that me and my new hubby live above a pub. D's boss, a very very nice man. kindly lets us live there. Because of this, me & D like to keep our noses out of what could be compromising issues, i.e issues that if we get involved could lose us our home. Don't piss the boss off if know what I mean. Anyway, there is a BIG mother of an issue going on at the mo and I am doing my very best to keep out of it, but everyone and their dog want to talk and bitch and put in their two pennies worth. To me. I'm like, don't involve me, not interested, fingers in ears lalalaLALALA. I've now taken to walking away from people who insist on bitching to me and now I'm being bitched about because I won't join in.

HELLO?!? PEOPLE!! Please stop with the 'oooo LMPP is so ignorant' and 'oooo LMPP has her head up her ass'. I'm well aware of the shite going on, I just don't want to talk about it to you. It's hurting the people involved, know what I mean? Plus, I HAVE TO LIVE THERE! It's ok for you, you get to go home to your non pub houses. I live in a flat that belongs to D's boss. Are you getting it yet??

So, until you get the message, I will be walking around with my fingers wedged firmly in my ears whilst singing erratically out of tune. Maybe you will stop, maybe you won't, but it sure as hell will not be me in the firing line. Got it?

Who said married life is easy? Try being married to an Licencee.

Riiiight.

Ok, so I work with a bunch of weirdos.

Topics included after work last night:

1. 'How do you reckon a duck wanks with webbed feet?'
2. 'What noise does a duck make while wanking?'
3. 'Sheep make a fantastic noise while doing them up the arse'
4. 'How do you laugh in a Scottish accent?'
5. 'Whats the name of that really annoying kids TV program back in the 90s hosted by kids from Newcastle? It's not By'er Grooove either' (everyone then sang the Byker Grove theme tune for god knows how long).

Impressions included:
D doing his Harry Enfield impression. I married a Harry Enfield lookalike. How come Ididn't see this before?!
'Therrrre's somethingonthewiiing... Some......Thing'. D doing his Jim Carrey impression. How come I didn't know he could Jim Carrey??

I seriously do not know the man I married and I work with a load of strange people. By the way...

1. With its beak apparently.
2. wankwankwankwankwank
3. D's stepdad disagreeing that a duck makes the best sex noise for an animal
4. Och Och Och Och Noo (????? WTF?)
5. After a lot of googling, 'Why Don't You!'

I'm Baaaack!

Hoorah, i'm back from my not so sunny time away in Spain. It was really sunny for the last 3 days. I'm so not suntanned.

*sulks*

Anyway, until i get a bit of time to yap on about my wedding day and honeymoon, here are some pics for the big day...