So Sad

You Knit What? - fab site about frightening knitted garments that should never be worn.

However, today, i am wearing something that should really be featured on the aforementioned blog.

I am wearing a jumper that i willing purchased from a store so i cannot plead family inflicted.

Today, i have overlooked style for warmth. It's fucking freezing! Even my car windscreen cracked with the cold.

My *warm mmmmm warm* jumper is purple and turquoise and white and lilac with silver thread weaved through. It's chunky and has a big collar thing happening. It also has a pattern knitted through it. It does indeed look like i have vomited over myself but i don't care. It is cosy.

On the plus side, i am sat in an office on my own where no one can see me. Otherwise i may have opted for style and froze.

Or maybe not?

that time again

Well, it's all over for another year! Hope santa bought you all what you wanted... He did for me!!

So Happy (belated) xmas and have a fabby new year... I'll get back into the bloggie thing after my hangover has passed!!

Now, pass me that tia maria...

Never again

Last night, me, D, my friend and her bloke went out for some food to celebrate D's and my friends respective birthdays. That bit was nice. We had a few drinks. That bit was also nice. We then looked at the menu and ordered what we wanted. That was nice too. I wanted the Rack of Lamb which, in the menu, was described as this...

Rack of Lamb......£9.95
Sealed with black pepper and rosemary with a choice of potatoes and Veg.

Before i go further, you must understand that i am a very, VERY fussy eater. I can just about cope with the black pepper bit. Not too keen on it, but will eat it if its there type thing.

The food came out. My Rack of Lamb was covered with some sort of white sauce with red bits in it. Not just a drizzle of sauce, a fucking bucketload of sauce.

I hate any kind of white sauce. But, being a good sport i tried a bit...

Ug.

Not on your nelly. The flem of Satan also covered my chips. So i tried to send it back. They wouldn't take it. I pointed out that the description on the menu did not include the flem of Satan and if it had, then i wouldn't of ordered it in the first place. They still wouldn't take it back. So, for the sake of D and my friend, i shut up.

And stopped at the chippy on the way home for a good old curry.

Dammit

Ok, D tells me what he wants for xmas and i order it. He wants one of them laser pen things that shines a green line. His friend has one so D wants one too. It came today and me being me i tested it.

There's no green line.

It's just a normal, run of the mill, laser pen that produces a dot on the wall or wherever you beam it. It's too late to send it back so it'll have to do. D's gonna be so gutted.

At least we can annoy the cat with it!!

my lazy fat cat

Look at my lazy cat 9 months ago...



Now look at him all grown up...



Now look at him being a lazy fat cat...



He doesn't move as much anymore. Just sits there being all lazy

Here we go...

I've been tagged by the fabulous Sarah... So here i go...

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot.

1. Hanuman
2. Runnking2K's
3. Queen of Spain
4. Sarah and the Goon Squad
5. Little Miss Pissy Pants

Then you get to select five people to pass the love on to. This is in no way mandatory.
1. Pink Pantz - just to get you to blog
2. Ms Mac
3. Random Chap
4. Milchfrommler
5. Nickle Annie

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was in the middle of my A-Levels, just dropped History cos it was too hard for my tiny brain - i did pass Art and English Lit though. I'd started my Saturday job at Adams Childrenswear, and i was still boyfriendless!

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Dairylea on crackers 2. Smash 3. Beef flavoured crisps 4. Orange flavoured choccy bars 5. Cheese & Tomato on toast

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1. London Underground 2. Metallica 'Enter Sandman' 3. Extreme 'More than words' 4. Meatloaf 'Dead Ringer for Love 5. Erasure 'Chorus'

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Buy new houses for myself and my family 2. Invest in property 3. Give at least £100,000 to my Grandads Charity 4. Go on a fantastic holiday all over the world, visiting as many blogfriends as i could 5. Quit my jobs.

Five bad habits:
1. Chewing my nails 2. Eating in front of the telly 3. Warming my ice cold feet on my poor D 4. Tormenting Darth 5. Leaving wet towels on the bedroom floor

Five things you like doing:
1. Drinking 2. Eating 3. Cooking 4. Socialising (When i get a chance) 5. Tormenting Darth

Five things you would never wear or buy again:
1. Mini Skirts 2. Bobble hats 3. Non underwired bras 4. Black Trainers 5. Shoes with laces

favorite toys:
1. Darth 2. BeTrapped on the PC 3. Ebay 4. Blogs 5. My stereo

All xmas shopping done?

Presents for...

Mum - check
Dad - check
Brother - check
Sister in law - check
Kids - check
Cat - check
D - Bollocks!!!

I forgot about D. I am the worst girlfriend in the world. Best go now before the money runs out!!

I hate colds

Why is it that when i get a cold, it's always overnight so i go to bed feelin' fine and wake up a snotty snot monster?

I'm going home, wake me in a day or so!!

You what??

Last night, someone said to me 'D said i should ask you for a blow job. Apparently you're quite good'

WTF?!!? I'm sorry, there is no way in this world that D would even think of saying such a thing, especially to this cretein stood before me. He isn't even the type of bloke D would talk to.

Fucking bastards. I am not easy lay.

Well, my friend is a bit better today considering the two people he loved most died last week. His girlie had a baby that was stillborn and she died the next day. I spent the best part of last week with D just sitting with him. The midwives gave him a photo of his son. It is a horrific picture as the poor mite died on the way out, but was stuck for over an hour. But it's the only one he'll ever have. So when a thoughtless bitch turned to him and said 'That's a terrible picture, you should get rid of that', I could of swung for her. Bitch. His girlie never got to see the baby, he never got to say goodbye to his girlie.

He's able to smile today, but the overwhelming guilt he unbelievablely (sp) feels is astounding. 'If i hadn't got her pregnant...' 'If we hadn't had that row...' There are still tears at times, but now he's mostly quiet, half smiles while he remembers the good times.

So to my friend, I'll be here for you always, lean on me whenever you need to. To his girlie and to his son, god bless you both, sleep tight.

I'm back

Sorry about the lack of blogginess but there has been a couple of deaths and i haven't felt much like it the last few days...

However, here i am and when i think of something good to blog about i will enlighten you!

Boredom

God, last night dragged forever. We had a really shite singer in that stopped singing at 11.00pm when he's supposed to go on to 11.30pm. He ripped the shit out of all our customers so loads left. Were not the kind of pub you can rip the shit out off, all our customers are old. Didn't help that my boss was going on about my barred friend. Have I heard from her? What did she say? Well I did hear from her and she doesn't give a fuck that you've barred her.

Now that i'm not going to be seeing her a lot I might let this friendship fizzle out a bit. To be honest, her fella scares the living shit out of me. I'll miss her, but I can't believe what she did. If I don't call her (she doesn't call me that much anyway), she might become a 'friend that you don't see or speak to much 'cos you are too busy' and i'll get away with not having her as a bridesmaid. Does that sound really evil??

Bastard friends

That's a nasty thing to say isn't it?? Well, at this moment, it's true!!
My future bridesmaid managed to get herself and her bloke barred from the pub i work in last night by telling lies and getting someone very close to a beating. They were both absolutely pissed out of their skulls.

I'm shocked. Completely. I mean, you don't do that in your mates place of work do you?? Now i'm stuck in the middle cos the bloke she had a go at is more or less family. He's my brothers friend from waaaaay back.

So what do i do? She's supposed to be a bridesmaid at my wedding, my brothers friend will most definitely be there. Do i tell her to fuck off?? Or say nowt and carry on as normal??

Hey, if anyone wants to buy a big fluffy polar bear, D's selling mine on ebay! It's the one for £8 and it's really cuddly! I've got no room for it in my tiny flat and the cat hates it!!

You what??

Ok, So this Morris says that blogger wouldn't let me comment cos what i had to say wasn't meaningful.

Fuck off.

It's my blog so therefore i'll say what i like, meaningful or not.

*grump*

Pants blogger pants

Ok, so blogger won't let me comment on my own blog...

It keeps telling me that my word verification is wrong!

It then spits out the same jumble of letters... I even know them off by heart...

smenita

Arrrggggghhhhh

yes please, i would love to hear the film...

Whilst sat 'trying' to enjoy 'The Exorcism of Emily Rose', the group of twats behind us insisted on yapping through the entire film. What topped it off was the girl whose 'very loud' mobile rang midway through the film, and she proceeded to have a conversation, quite loudly, for around 20 mins. She only got off the phone when the stewardess type people came in and told the group of twats to 'shut up or get out', Girl replied...

'Do you mind? I'm on the phone'

Despite me being incredibly pissed off, I just had to smile at that.

I smiled wider when they all got booted out.

I wish i could comment whether the film was good or bad... it looked good, but i couldn't hear it to decide.

Oh, and about 20 kids rammed themselves into 7 seats at the front of the cinema. What rating is this pissing film anyway? Surely 12 year olds can't be old enough to watch it??

Now i'm sadly at home, watching who gets kicked off 'X Factor' and drinking Blossom Hill White Zinfandel Rose wine, observing the cat gnaw a bone, debating whether to get my ass up the pub to see random people to prove i'm no hermit.

I must say the hermit bit sounds good, i'm in no mood to socialise.

I had a robin shaped choccie in todays advent. That lasted all of 2 seconds in my gob. I may have to wander to the garage for more chocolate soon.

Though a nice cold Tia Maria sounds more inviting...

Crimbo isa coming!!!

Today in my advent calendar i had a Santa shaped Chocolate. Mmmmm choooocoooolate!!

Christmas isa coming people! I just loooove crimbo!

Hmmmm

Picture the scene...

LMPP whizzing across the office in her wheely chair to slap boss for being nasty.
Boss backing up against door with hands up to surrender.
LMPP bending down to do a bit of 'leg hair pullage', head hovers in the vincinity of...
Big boss walks in, looks through hatch and sees...

Big boss now thinks LMPPs starved of a little something back home... LMPP certainly is not!

LMPP now sits quietly, bright red and hiding.
Boss laughs uncontrollably.

*blushes*