Don't come near me...

Ok, so the drugs are working and my flem isn't as pink as it was. Roll on 12th June when i can go back to work full time!! Hopefully i'll be back part timeish if my doc says it's ok on Friday!

My back is still sore - down the right hand side, and i have a belly ache. Side effects from all the drugs probably. The cat is entertaining though, he is in a right piss that i'm home all day and not at work. He keeps coming up to me, jumping on me and miaowing in my face. Not a nice miaow, an evil low threatening miaow as if to say 'get off my sofa you fuck or i'll stratch the veins from your face while you are sleeping'!

Anyway, don't come near me, i may still be infectious...

I'm still here...

...thankfully.

I've been in hospital for the last week. Yes, i was, and still am a very poorly girlie. Lower Right Lobe Pneumonia. Severe apparently.

I'm on a lot of drugs which is fab cos they take the pain far, far away! However, i can still feel the dull ache in the right side of my upper back. Hopefully, i will be fighting fight sooner rather than later!!

So, here's to 3 whole weeks off work! I'll be bored out of my brain.

Hospital wasn't too bad. When i came out i cried for 2 solid days. I'm not so tearful now, but i'm still very nervous about not having nurses to take my pain away. Or lower my temperture if i need it. The food was minging. Thankfully, i couldn't eat for most of the time i was there due to the sickness. So i didn't get to sample much of it. Apart from the cornflakes, can't go wrong with cornflakes!! The nurses were fab, especially Geoff, cos he made me laugh when i was really ill. And he provided me with many 'snotpots' to stop me from throwing up as much!

So, to Southmead R Ward. You're fab!! If i'm ever ill again you can look after me!!!

Son of a muthafuckin bitch

Ok, you remember me bitching on about my friend and his gorgeous new girlfriend? (from now on, she will be known as GNG). Well, they don't smooch so much anymore.

Hoorah i hear you all cheer.

But no, it's not hoorah. It's pants. It's pants because GNG's ex boyf is making a bit of a nuisance of himself and GNG sits there, terrified, that he'll beat her or something. (happened before).

We've all tried telling her that he won't do anything whilst in the pub. She sits there looking terrified. We've told her that we will protect her from him. She sits there looking terrified. What else can we do?

Thankfully, they still smooch in the car.

Oh and a big WELL DONE to Bogie for passing his driving test yesterday!!

Thanks, but i didn't want to see that -really...

The little twat that works in the pub decided that he would show me a video of what happens when you get caught theiving. Cue a video of a man getting his head chopped off with a penknife. I only caught a glimpse before turning away and almost bringing up my brekkie.

Now i know it's fake, but it looked too real to me and guess what... I had numerous nightmares about headless theives and men with penknives.

So people, please don't show me videos of random murderous acts as it will cause me to have sleepness nights, which in turn causes me to be a LMPP all day long!

I still feel sick now...

Miserable cow

Is it just me? Or does anyone else get annoyed by friends constantly sucking each others face in front of you?

My friend has got himself a gorgeous new girlfriend. She's lovely. But for the past week, when they are out, they snog.

Constantly.

They are like that match.com advert on telly. Seriously, it was sweet last week, this week it's mildly annoying. Last night, i felt like crowbarring them apart just so they would breathe. And trying to have a conversation goes something like...

Me: 'alright sweet'
Him: *slurp slurp* 'ehrrh'
Me: 'Ok then'

Does this make me a miserable cow? Am i jealous that me and D don't constantly snog? Why am i so irritated by it??

Where's D? I need to snog...

Fuck Ow.

I have a massive blister on the side of my foot. I have no idea how i got it and it's making walking in shoes hell.

Damn shoes.

Ah hahaha

Honest to god, i've just left a comment on someones blog and the word verification came up with a classic...

'Type the letters that you see'...

PORNO

Ah hahahahahahaha!!

Mmm Nice

It seems that Darth's problems are over.

My caring father rang me at 11.30pm last night to enlighten me that Darth had sicked up 'the biggest hairball i have ever seen!'

Err, Dad, that is the ONLY hairball you have ever seen.

Once he puked that baby out, he ran round the house attacking all and sundry and basically acted like a... cat. My poor Dad thought the cat had gone insane. he was convinced that Darth was going to have an almighty heart attack and die.

'What did he do once he had his 5 minutes of looniness Dad?'

'He washed himself for a bit and then went to sleep on top the stairs'

Eh, normal cat behaviour then?

After about 10 minutes, i had managed to convince Dad that the cat was fine and to bugger off so i could go back to sleep.

Half hour after that, D came and woke me up and told me that Darth had sicked up the biggest hairball my Dad had ever seen.

Yes, my daddy dearest had hung up on me and then called D, and had the exact same convo with him, while he was in the next room to me!!

Seriously.

He has WHAT??

This gorgeous bundle of fluff...



You know, who lazies around randomly washing himself, eats the best food and also occasionly attacks you if he feels like clawing the veins from your legs? Yes, him...

Well...

The Vet has diagnosed him with... Stress!

I have a stressed pussy apparently. Now, i have to randomely wave a diffuser in his face to waft pheramones (sp?) that supposedly reminds him of his mum, everytime he has a stress attack.

Can someone tell me what a stressed cat is supposed to look like?

I thought, you know, the fact that he keep's trying to pee and failing most times is a sure sign of a goddamn water infection, one of which has recurred, just like the nice EXPERIENCED vet told me would happen last time.

Believe me, my cat is not fucking stressed. He ought to try being me so i can laze around all day doing what cats do...

Very exciting things...

A list of very exciting things in my life in the last 3 weeks...

My friend had a baby that she didn't know she was having
My friends in The Gambia had twins when i thought they were having only having one
Tart is also preggers
I have booked Fred Wedlock for my wedding
My wedding reception and evening do is now all booked at my dream hotel

And the bad???

Darth is still very poorly.

Drama at Chez LMPP!!

Firstly, apologies for my lack of blogginess. I have been indisposed at the hands of 'man flu', quite obviously caught from a man. No names mentioned. However, i have risen from the bed of death to enlighten you to the trauma of last friday morning...

S... P... I... D... E... R.

And a fucking big one at that. At least 1 inch away from my little toe. It was one of them big, black, hobnail boot wearing house spiders, the ones that come up from under the floorboards and eats you whole with no warning. And at 7.30 in the morning, whilst slowly dying from a headache that has kept you up all frigging night, LMPP did one thing...

She screaMED!!

And D, who was dozing peacefully in the room next door almost had a heart attack and had to peel himself off the ceiling before any help was offered. In fact, the conversation went a bit like this...

'What???'
'AGAGAG
'What???'
Spi GAAGAGGA der
'Shut the fuck up screaming and tell me whats wrong!!!!'
'Theres a spider over there' *sobs*
'Fuck me you silly cow! I thought there was an axe murderer or something. Get out of my sodding way...'
*thump*
'There. dead. Now shut up.'

Note the lack of sympathy. In fact, he is still a bit pissed of with me 3 days later. Well, i'd like to see what he'd do if a spider jumped out and ate him in one go.

Pah!