Fear...

Ok, I think it's time to face upto my fear of flying. Well, ok, fear of aeroplanes. D was on about our honeymoon last night and i literally broke into a cold sweat when he mentioned going abroad, on a plane.

Now, my fear is purely self brought on. I watch waaay too many of those documentries on plane crashes and what causes them. But i really can't stop watching them!! It's like i'm addicted to planes hurtling to the ground.

Last night, i watched a docu about a flight that exploded, broke up mid air and fell into the sea. The entire time i was gripping the sofa arm and D's hand for my life. I seriously watch these programs with fear etched across my face. I need to stop watching them. But i can't.

This is most probably the reason why i dream nasty dreams about planes. When i was a little younger, i used to go out the airport and watch the planes take off and love it. Now i sit there cringing, whilst stranging loving it. When we drive past the place where retired passenger planes are being converted to cargo planes, i stare out of the window with drool hanging from my mouth. I did that last week. It's like i'm scared of them, but i love them!

I have been on a plane before. We went to Florida. I was fine all the way there and all the way back. Even when a woman started screaming 'we're all gonna die' wail sob waaail when we hit bad turbulance. 9 hours each way! I did well. The night before we came home, i watched Alive! on telly, and it still didn't bother me to get on that plane.

Maybe i might try hypnosis. Or something that will enable me to stand next to one without fear that it will explode.

WTF???!!?

WTF has happened to my blog?? Why is it all poncy??

*sobs*

I've not changed the template!! It was fine this morning.

*sulks* (read: stomps of in strop)

**Edits**

And now it's gone back to normal. Fucking blogger!! Oh, and i can no longer change the time of my blog, cos the time doodah thingy has fucked off!

For fucks sake!

snooooooooooow

Woohoo, it snowed last night!! Then it all melted by the time i left work. Pah! I hate Britain. We don't get any decent snow, especially where i live, it's all namby pamby little flakes. Last night yomped down motherfucker flakes, hence why i let myself get excited at the prospect of snowman buliding!! Waste of my energy, all that excitement!

The cat tried catching snowflakes through the window and couldn't quite work out why he wasn't getting snow on his paws. Duh!!

Since the pubs have now got late licences (at landlords disrection might i add), people think that they can hang around until the bar staff leave. Last night, we closed at 11.00pm cos it was Monday and Monday sucks. We still had people sat there at 11.55pm. I finish at 12.00am. I was like, look, go home, i need to clean your table and they were like, but we have 5 minutes left. NO YOU FUCKING DON'T ASSHOLES!! (read: Drinking up was to 11.20pm sir, you now have to leave) It galls me to be nice sometimes.

One of the regulars spoke about the late George Best last night. He told me that George didn't die of liver failure, but of a broken heart. Me being the guillible bitch that i am said really??, what did he die of then?? The bloke then said, well, the day before he died, the pubs were granted 24 hour drinking licences and he couldn't get out of bed to go to one.

Oh ha fucking ha! I won't bore the knickers off you with my opinions on Georgie. I think the whole of Britain is thinking what i'm thinking!

Dreams, dreams, dreams

Ok, since Doctor Dreamland analysed my aeroplane dream for me, i have been wondering about all the other strange recurring dreams i have... Heres a breakdown...

Sitting in a boat/floating in the water spinning round and round until i wake up and realise i've been holding my breath.

Not being able to open my eyes.

Not being able to scream for my mum??

Not being able to put my left leg on the ground and walk.

I also randomly dream about Alton Towers. Not in a sinster way, just that i go on all the rides and i love every second.

And, last night, i dreamt that an aeroplane (yes, another one) was spinning round in the air and couldn't land, so all the passengers jumped off and went to the pub, and then we all had to climb back in through the window and we drove off down the road like a car would. (I really dunno what happened to the wings at this point.) We then took off and landed at the petrol station where we had to check in and go home.

Maybe i'll get the Doc to delve deep into my brain and tell me the meaning of these bizarre (read: psychotic) dreams.

Damn cat

So i caught the cat last night hiding food, yet again, under the newly washed bathroom mat. And to think i spent all this time worrying that the poor little mite was sickly (and my bank balance taking a huge hit). Get this, he looked around to check no one was looking, scooped some food into his mouth, ran to the bathroom, spat it on the floor and clawed the bathmat over it. It was then that i, sat on the loo, cleared my throat in a hu-hmmm kinda way. The cat jumped, clocked me and ran to hide. Dumb cat forgot to check that the bathroom was clear.

That cat is seriously heading for a kick up the bum.

I fully expect food everywhere when i get home!!

You What??

Over on The Wicked Truth you can have your dreams analysed by Doctor Dreamland!! So i asked him to analyse my dream...

You can read his reply here.

Can i just point out... I hate cricket!!

So go get them dreams looked at by this most cool Quack!!

Hoorah

Hoorah!! We have internet access in work again!! I can blog to my hearts content! Thank fuck for that!!

My cats poorly. Either that or he's picking up food in his mouth and spitting it out on my carpet. it's hard to tell as the food doesn't look chewed! Do cats do that? Do they randomly move food around the house?? He hid some under the bathroom rug on Monday. Crafty bugger. I hope he's not sick. I can't afford the vet bill if he is!!

Watched War of the Worlds on Monday night. Reminds me slightly of the old tv program Tripods. They had 3 legged aliens that shot at people too. I loved that program. However, i didn't love that film. probably cos i was trying to relate it to the Tripods.

So whats been happening in the world of blog? What have i missed??

I am still here!!

I have no internet in work AGAIN godammit!! I have to work evenings so i don't have a lot of time to blog at home!! It SO maddens me! Anyway, my toothypegs are better thank god and now i have to contend with a sickly cat! Serves you right for eating houseplants Darth!!

Hopefully, internet will work tomorrow so i can read all your blogs!

I misses you!

Ouch

Been to dentist so mouth hurts!

Am sulking

Back when i've finished mega sulk

*sulks*

A Letter to my cat

To Darth,

Today i discovered that you have been a bad cat. I can't understand that after two weeks of good behaviour at your nannys house, on the last day you caused havoc and upset your nan. She tells me that you destroyed her favourite pot plant by eating it. You then went onto eat other less favourite ones but thats not the point. You then proceed to barf over her landing carpet, not once, but four times. You then seen fit to roll around in it and rub yourself against her legs, covering her in it. You harassed your gramps, biting and generally eating his hand. You then shat under the kitchen table, causing a 66 year old man to have to drag the heavy table out of the way so nanny could clean it up.

You are due home tonight, i will seriously kick your ass.

D's in line for a cat curry if you don't behave.

You are quite obviously Satan's cat.

Most Haunted...Pub style!

Well we had no spooky goings on... apart from a pen fall off the bar but that could of been me pushing it.

Ah well.

I'm off to play with my new msn messenger thingy!!

Nanny State

Apparently, Birmingham Council have banned the word 'Christmas', insisting that they call it 'Winterval'.

WTF?? It apparently 'offends' other religions that we celebrate 'Christmas'. Well, i have news for you 'other religions'. It offends me that i have to surpress my religious beliefs to accomodate yours. It upsets me that if i lived in Birmingham, i would have to not celebrate Christmas, but celebrate a polictically correct version of 'Winterval'. I'm not usually one to shove religion in others faces, but the way this country is heading, we'll have no choice but to do so. A company that employs people from different religions have 'banned' the Christmas party this year, opting for a 'December gathering' instead. What the fuck is that?? It makes my blood boil that our government think this is the correct route to go down. Any bets that if you go live in other country, say... India, they wouldn't play down their religion in case it offends me and quite frankly, i wouldn't expect nor want them to. It's their country, i'm just the visitor.

Quite ironically, a muslim friend of mine quite likes Christmas. And enjoys celebrating it. So where are you getting the notion that we have to 'ban' Christmas oh wonderous Government type people?? Why can't us Britions celebrate OUR heritage in OUR country, without the need to pacify others?? I don't get offended when i see another Mosque pop up, or if a bunch of Hindu's decide to celebrate one of their festivals, thats up to them, just let us celebrate ours will you??

Grrrrr and bollocks.

Brrrrrrr!!

How can it be so damn sunny and so friggin' cold. I hate the cold. My nipples stick out.

My car was all icy this morning so i sent D out with a scraper and some warm water to unfreeze my car from the car park. He then came and put his icy hands on my boobs.

*shudders at memory*

They were very cold. Thats the politest thing i can say without swearing...

At the mo i am huddled against the heater, waiting for boss to come back so i can get into his office to work. His office is f.r.e.e.z.i.n.g!!! I'm making the most of it.

Tonight, we are having a ghost watch in the pub. (D's idea ok!??) Will post about spooky going ons tomorrow...

Goddammit

Today i haven't even the time to scratch my arse, pick my nose and generally skive. My big boss keeps sending me work from Spain, where he is sunning himself. My immediate boss needs me to hold his hand while he attempts the accounts. (read: do it for him). My other big boss is ruling me with a rod of iron.

*Quakes*

You don't wanna mess with her, she'll eat me for breakfast!! She is the lovelist boss though, she brings us champayne!!

I have to go now and find out why i'm 71p out in my adding up.

71p - is that all??

dammit!

Ashton... Pah!

Its 7.45am.

Its cold, it's wet. Its dark and it smells of wet dog.

Working in Ashton has it's pitfalls, it rains all goddamn day and when you leave Ashton, you realise its sunny everywhere else.

Fucking Ashton, Mecca of billboards.

So not funny

I think i'm coming down with bird flu...

...I feel a bit peckish!

That wasn't funny was it?? Well, the kiddie that told me it thought it was hysterical. So much so that he had to sit down to wipe the tears from his eyes. Sad.

I have vast amounts of 10p beef flavoured Space Raiders sat on my desk mocking me. I can't eat them cos my boss is in and she hates it when we 'graze' at our desks. Oh look, one of them is now waving at me... eaaaaaaaatmeeeeeeee. EAAAAATTTTTMEEEEEEEE. No, no i won't. Leave me alone.

*frantically shoves them in mouth* Ooops.

Life in the pub is interesting. It's surprising how many people take the piss when the landlord is away, last night, people wouldn't fuck off. We still had people yapping at 11.45pm. What pisses me off is that they finish their drinks quite early on, and yet they still sit there and yap. Yap yappity yap yap yap. Look, just FUCK OFF, or i'll come to your house and yap at you until 4 in the morning about nothing just like you are doing to me. Some people have jobs to go to at 7.30am so knob off.

Still no ghosties. Still ton's of noises that are as creepy as dracula on speed. I wandered again to the bog (loo, Meatbag, not a swamp) and fell over the dog. So i was more in pain than anything else.

Ahhh, life in the pub!!

Saw 2?? Pah.

I watched Saw 2 this weekend... 'oh yes, there will be blood'

Well, not nearly enough of it! It's hailed to be more gory and frightening than Saw. Bollocks! I shat myself throughout Saw and felt quite ill when he hacked his own foot off, and to be honest, was quite looking forward to being even more afraid during Saw 2. Yes, there was blood but there could of been more. Yes, the twists were good though one you saw coming from the start. Yes, the plot was creepy and the link back to the original movie was fab. But it wasn't scary. It was more... jumpy. I jumped a few times cos of the surprise factor, but i wasn't screaming for my life.

My conclusion?? Go see it. But don't expect to be freaked out by it. For that, watch Saw again.

Saying that... I did shit myself at every creak whilst lead in the dark later that night. Apparently the pub is haunted??!? But i've seen no evidence. And i've wandered to the bog in the dark before and not bumped into any ghostie whosties. D wants to do a seance. I would rather poke my eyes out. Knowing my luck, i'll get possessed and start spewing green vomit over all and sundry whilst ramming myself with the cross. OOhhh, i must go see The Exorism of Mary Whatever her name is. Now that looked scary. Bet it ain't.

Someone recommend a really scary film. One that will make me sleep with a machete.

What a fucking bitch of a week i've had. Non stop pissing work for me. Oh and other peoples pissing work as well. I an knacked!

As for the next two weeks... Me and D are living in the pub while the owners have buggered off on holiday... and you can bet that means i'll be 'helping' D by working every bloody hour that i'm not working here... The cat has gone on his holidays to my mum as we can't take him to the pub cos the big mofo German Sheppard thing will eat him...

Dammit

Happy happy joy joy

I'm fed up.

Fed up with work. Fed up with the pub. Fed up in general.

What i need is a holiday. Somewhere hot with sun sea and sand aplenty. Somewhere away from this desk!

Ah well, i can dream.

Someone tell me a joke. Go on, make me laugh!!

Me as a witchy witch...

Ohhh don't i look scary!!

Although, if i had a pound for everytime someone said, 'Didn't bother to dress up then'. I wouldn't be here today. I would be on a beach. Supping cocktails!