In memory of...

I am dedicating this post to a very special member of the Harry Browns, the sea shanty group my partner D sings with. Sadly, one of the members, B, died yesterday afternoon after a long illness. It was expected, but you can never quite fully prepare yourself for the impact a loved ones death will have on you. I had never met B, nor had the honour of listening to him sing in person, but i can see from D that he was a very special man and had touched many people along the way. Another member, S, had written a beautiful tribute to B, and i would like to share it if all of you...

In a grubby pond there lived many water bugs. They went about their daily lives quite unaffected by the world around them. They noticed that every now and again, one of their number would climb up a plant stalk and disappear never to be seen again. the bugs that were left, mused on this and after some time, decided that the next bug to climb the stalk would come back and tell the others what was happening.

After a while one of the bugs found himself climbing a stalk, he climbed higher and higher until he broke through the surface of the water and was suddenly transformed into a beautiful dragonfly, able to fly and swoop through the clean air and wonderful sunshine. After a while he remembered that he was meant to go back and tell the other bugs what had happened. He flew back to the pond and saw his friends below, in the water. He tried many times to get back down to them, to tell them of the wonderment of what had happened to him. Of his beauty, of the wonderful place he was now at. But try as he could, he could not break through the surface of the water, to get back to his friends. He tried for many hours but realized he was unable to get back, so, he flew off to his new life, safe in the knowledge that they would one day join him in this new, wonderful place.

Goodnight B, one day we will all be Dragonflies, together again.

Sing those sea shanties with all your pride there in heaven B. God bless you honey.

Holy Shit Batman... (well, Darth really)

Since i have moved into my new flat with D and Darth, I have had a few disasters when it comes to the good old electric appliance. In fact, i have had 3 in 3 months. 1 a month eh?? Not bad at all.

My electrifying touch began just 2 days after moving into the new flat. D fancied some beef in a bag for tea, so, being the dutiful wife to be that i am, i slung a pack in the microwave, set the time as per the packet instructions and waited...

...One big blue flash and lots of smoke later, no beef in a bag for D's tea!! And, more importantly, no microwave to cook my chips in.

*sob*

Last month, I toddled into the kitchen to make some toast as you do! I popped the bread in, i clicked the 'go' button. The toaster growled at me and refused to gimme my bread back.

K nil, Electrical appliances... two

Last night i put a Fray Bentos Steak and Ale pie...

*mmmmmmmmmmm Fray Bentosssssss*

into my built in, really difficult to take out and replace, oven. While i watched telly and waited for my really delicious pie to cook, an awful smell omitted from the kitchen. Thinking that Darth had probably shat all over my clean laminate floor i wandered into the kitchen to have a look, and found a nice haze before me. Yes people, i had set my oven on fire. The pie was fine, my oven was ablaze.

Fuck.

So, within 3 months i had managed to effectively blow up 3 electric appliances. What a star!!

I'm gonna start wearing rubber soled shoes...

Ooooo I've been interviewed by Overshop2!! How exciting!!

The Instructions:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions -- each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?

Quite sadly it probably would have to be Orlando, Florida, just for the theme parks. However, if i wanted peace and tranquillity, I would go and live in Truro, Cornwall, UK. I just love it there...

2. Do you have any tatoos or other identifying marks?

Yep. I have a black squiggly thing tattooed on the top of my left arm. I also have a flowery tattoo just below my belly to the right. I don't have any birth marks or big scary moles or whatnot... Though i do have 3 prominant freckles that form the Bermuda Triangle on my face...

3. Would you dump all your friends in exchange for a million dollars (pounds)?

Nope. My friends (the few i have) are the one thing i hold dear to my heart, along with family and D. I rather be penniless...

4. What is movie makes you cry?

Watership Down. Every goddam time. You'd think i'd be used to it by now!! Also City of Angels with Nicholas Cage. Gets me filling buckets time after time...

5. If you were named Queen of the Universe, what is the first thing you would do?

Move us all to a better planet with no pollution and abolish poverty and war. If you fuck up this time, i ain't saving you all again...

Want me to ask you some questions??? Get leaving some comments...

oh, how sad

My poor mum...

She is devestated. She is in complete mourning status and refuses to speak, eat or watch telly, choosing to mope about the house, muttering phrases such as...

'I refuse to believe it...'

'It can't be true...'

and her favourite...

'What will i do now...'

There have been tears, silences, more tears, more silences. She is distraught!!

Who has died??? I hear you ask.



Her most favourite telly programme presenter Richard Whiteley of the more famous Countdown sadly passed away from heart failure yesterday and my mum is gutted!

Absolutley gutted!!

You should have seen her when she watched the news and found out. She sat bolt upright in her chair and screamed (yes screamed) at my poor father to 'turn it up... NOW.' My mum L.O.V.E.D. good ol' twice nightly Whiteley. She even applied to go on Countdown just so she could declare undying love for him. (Never had a reply, she sulked for days). She has even took today off work so she can grieve uninteruppted.

My poor mum!

Richard Whiteley, God rest your soul. I hope you get those angels solving your Countdown Conundrums...

I'm in a right 80's mood now...

Taking that test in the last post as put mw well into an 80's mood now...
I used to love 80's kiddies programmes. I used to rush home for my lunch break to watch Bagpuss and Chocka Block and the like. But my all time fave was...

*drum roll*



PIGEON STREET.

They made so few episodes but when you are small, you think that there are loads!!

Do you remember...



When i was little i was gutted my torch wouldn't do what Jamies did!! Gutted.

And what about...



Meowwwwwwww meowwwwww meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

OMG there are soooo many more memories from my kiddie days here!! Have a look for yourselves

I'm a little pink pussy

What forgotten 80's character are you...?



You are Custard from Strawberry Shortcake! Ahh, you live the good life. You're cute, loved by all, and you enjoy simple things - a warm bed, sunny days, yummy desserts, and a good belly-scratching.

Ahh, won't you look at that?? I'm a pink pussy...

I was reading a fabby blog eariler that i stumbled upon while perusing through my fave bloggies. She has issues with her car. She has issues with her dad not believing her about the faults with her car. Honey, i sooooo relate to you... Let me explain...

I used to drive a big hefty silver Mazda 626. Yep, little ol' me in a mother of a car, it was so big it wouldn't fit in my dads garage. Anyway, i'd bought this car from my then boyfriends mum for £750. Remember that ok. It was in pretty good nick for a K reg, no rust anywhere, alloy wheels, (that kept deflating - didn't think to warn me of that did you bitch??) tidy interior. It was a dream for the first 6 months i owned it...

Then, the shit really began...

Driving to work one relatively sunny morning, there i was hurtling along the dual carriageway at 60mph when the car starts swerving all over the shop. Fuck. Me. I ended up skidding along sideways until i grounded to a halt, situated across 2 lanes of busy road. I'd lost the contents of my stomach straight into my knickers i tell thee. After getting the fuck out of my car i went to inspect what caused me to almost die that day.

It was a blowout on a rear tyre. The nice AA man that had seen my death defying stunt changed it for me and i merrily continued my journey into work. Later that evening while recounting the horror to my then MIL, she said, and i kid you not...

'Oh, maybe i should of mentioned it when you bought the car from me *(6 god damn months previously)* that the tyres sometimes lose all the air and you have to refill them at a garage. It's to do with the seals you see. I did think about changing the wheels but then you bought it so i didn't bother. Expensive wheels are you know.'

And then she calmly continues drinking her tea.

WTF??????? Isn't that an important piece of info that i really needed to know, you know, in case i wanted to change the fucking wheels so i don't have to be in that situation?? Hmmmm???? Like i want to be involved in a horrific car accident?? Thanks then whore!!!!

A few months later, the piece of scrap decided that it wanted to rev it's engine really loudly while idling say, on traffic lights, up and down and up and down. Imagine rrrrrRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrRRRRRRRRR!

I sounded like a boy racer revving his engine ready for a race with the robin reliant next to me. It was cringeworthy stuff. People glared at me and stuff. And my dads answer to this???

'You must be tapping the accelerator with your foot without realising.'

*Grit teeth*

The fucking car wouldn't do it when my dad drove it would it?? Noooo. It did it to piss me off!

The garage said 'it's an electrial fault, we don't deal in electrical faults'

The garage that deal's with the forementioned faults said 'it'll cost you £900 for the part thats broken off. Before labour'

Fuck me.

Then, the garage said 'We know someone who can sell you the part for £150 but you'll have to go and buy it and we'll fit it.'

So i did, and they fitted it, and i picked my car up, and have a guess what happened... Go on...

rrrrrrrRRRRRRrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrRRRRRRrrrrrr.

*hits head repeatedly on steering wheel*

So, being the pissy pants that i am, i sold the bastard after averaging a spend of £88 per month trying to fix the piece of shite.

I now have a lovely 1 litre Nissan Micra that can't even get up to 60mph to have a tyre blow out on me. Needs a wash though, can't see through the bird crap to drive...

Bye bye Barnaby

Barnaby goes home today... *sobs dramatically*

Lets all say goodbye Barnaby, see you again soon...



What a cutie!! I *heart* Barnaby.

At least the fights over the shit pits will now cease. Maybe I won't have to clean the shit off of Darth anymore...

Unless he still rolls around in it on his own!

Bastard Cat!!

The Moral of a Sparrow

The sparrow thought to himself as he was flying home on Christmas Eve that it was the coldest winter ever. In fact, it was so cold that ice began to gather on his tiny wings and he grew weaker. He fell to the ground and as he lay there, freezing, he knew he was dying.

Suddenly he was surrounded by lots of legs and feet. He looked up and he saw that it was a herd of cows on their way back to the farm. One cow lifted her tail, deposited her load and by chance it landed right on top of the sparrow. The sparrow felt the warmth of the cowpat and the warmth melted the ice that had caused him to be there. The sparrow was so warm and happy that he began to chirp.

It just so happened that a passing pussy cat heard the sparrow chirruping and went to investigate. On finding the sparrow in the cow pat he carefully scraped away all the dung and ate the poor sparrow.

The moral of this story? Someone who puts you in the shit isn't necessarily an enemy, and someome who gets you out of the shit isn't necessarily a friend. But, if you are up to your neck in shit and happy, keep your god damn mouth shut!

Were all going on a... Summer holiday...

No more working for a... week or twooooooooooooo...

It's nearly time for my annual summer holiday!! Two weeks in a tent in Sunny Devon!!!

Look at my face - go on, look... See how excited i am at the prospect of 2 weeks in a tent. In a field. With rickety old shower cubicles and toilets with holes in the walls, both full of the delightful, cuddly spiders and rats we all know and love...

Imagine my delight at eating partly raw/ hideously burnt camp stove food. Share in my excitement of finding grass in everything i eat/drink/own...

Try to think of the fun i'll have while missing my fave telly shows. Think of the hours of boredom i will be revelling in cos the nearest pub is about 4.5 miles away...

Think of the horror i will experience of not being able to blog for 14 whole days cos the nearest internet point will be ummm on the moon i expect... Don't even expect me to mobile phone blog... It's hard enough working out how to blog normally let alone being all fancy pantsy and technology literate...

I'm so going to miss my fave blogs... Ms Mac meandering daily, The Ropey Old Bird in her lovely new house, WhatevaSista and The Gays tm, Just being me, well, just being her, Kill the Goat and her fabulous stories, not to forget Shampayne and her wild shagafrolic antics... So many more...

Ahhh the joys of camping... What fun for everyone!

Happy Birthday to meeeee (in 35 days time)

It's my birthday in 35 days time. That's 35 days away. That makes it the 25th of July. That's my birthday!

I will be 1 step closer to the big 30! I will be in my late twenties. I will no longer be classed as mid twenties. I will officially be taking the next step in becoming old.

I will now bore you with some birthday celebrations that i have had in the past...

25th July 1978 - i was born. That was some celebration. I shot out at lightening speed. My mum went into labour at 4.00pm, i was born at 4.30pm. She tells me constantly that she loves me for that very pain free quick reason...

25th July 1983 - i am 5. I remember this birthday cos i had a superman cake. My mum made it. I was having a party with all my newish schoolie friends at my house. We had a picnic on the dining room floor. The cake was in the middle of the blanket. I cunningly came up with the idea that instead of walking around the blanket to go to the loo, I would jump it. I didn't make the jump. You can guess what happened...

25th July 1987 - i am 9. I had a party at Wimpey, the burger chain that sold most of it's franchise to Burger King. It was a surprise party for me cos i had expressed a great delight in having a birthday party at McDonalds. My dad booked Wimpey cos it was cheaper. There is a photo somewhere of me being an ungrateful bitch and sobbing next to Mr Wimpey himself cos he wasn't Ronald McDonald. I refused to eat my burger and all my friends were sent home early. What an ungrateful cow...

25th July 1990 - i am 12. I had a little sleepover that year. We waited until my parents were alseep and escaped out into the night. We wandered around the streets until 5 in the morning thinking we were all hard. We got back to find my dad waiting at the back door that we left wide open. We all got a good walloping...

25th July 1995 - i am 17. My friend had an all nighter party for me at his house while his parents were on holiday. The police were called twice, every bit of furniture in his front room was broken. My best friend went to hospital with alcohol poisoning. My friend whose house it was had his nose broken the next day by his uncle. What fun!!

25th July 1999 - i am 21. I did bugger all this year cos i was ill. It sucked!!

25th July 2001 - i am 23. I got off my face on cheap cider round my then boyfriends house. I swore i would never drink again. Ever.

25th July 2004 - i am 26. I got given a Nintendo Game Boy Advance from my then boyfriend. He took it back off me a week later when we split up. No hardship on my part, he bought it for himself anyway.

25th July 2005 - i will be 27!!!! I hope i will be wined and dined and loved by many.

There you have it, my most memorable birthdays. I'm lucky i remembered that many, my memory sucks...

I am just gonna slip a bit in here in the memory of Geoff Bennett. 2 years! Blimey, time flies. Thinking of you honey...

I've got a big purple one...

ooooooo

Fuck me, i fucked up my blog...

lets hope this puts it right!!!

Fathers Day - arrrggghhh

OMG i almost forgot it is Fathers Day on Sunday! I am such a baaaaad daughter!! I will rush out immediatly after work tonight and by him some mints or something. He's got enough socks.

Anyway, here are 50 facts about my daddy, seeing as it's fathers day soon 'n all...

1. My daddy is a 6ft 2er and is bald
2. He is skinny for his height
3. He has cholestreol (sp?) problems, but still eats bacon butties
4. He is a bit dim dizzy
5. He would give me the world if he could
6. But settles for washing my car occasionally
7. He hates music
8. He loves Dads Army and Red Dwarf
9. and Carry On films
10. and black and white films
11. He listens to Radio Bristol regilously whilst driving
12. He loves gardening
13. He loves building things out of scraps of wood
14. That collapse within days
15. He hates pets
16. But loves my kitty
17. He contridicts himself sooo much...

example, on getting a new job, he said, 'I build boxes for the meat to go in when it's ready for shipment.'
I said, 'what out of cardboard?'
He said, 'No, I build them and stack them on palletts'
I said, 'what, wooden boxes?'
He said, 'No, cardboard'
??????????????????????????????????

18. He is retired
19. He hated his job
20. He had a countdown calendar a year before he retired and religously ticked the days off
21. He gets up extremely early, like 5.00am when he doesn't have to
22. He only likes english food
23. He only drinks tea, coffee, hot chocolate and bitter from sainsburys.
24. He might have a John Smiths occasionally
25. He has a seriously low alcohol tolerance. Poor mum.
26. He loves, and i mean LOVES, jam sandwiches
27. It has to be mixed fruit jam
28. He hates baths
29. He drives a vauxhall cavalier thats crappy
30. He loves to go on holiday to devon, every god damn year
31. He rings me if it's raining and tells me to drive carefully
32. He hates me driving
33. He's a good spider catcher
34. He does the washing up, my mum never gets a look in. Lucky wench
35. He wears jumpers i buy him for Crimbo all year round
36. He loves mints
37. He hates licourice allsorts
38. He cried when D asked him if he could marry me
39. He cried when i showed him my engagement ring
40. He tries to be funny
41. He's funny cos he's trying
42. He loves my mum to pieces
43. When he had hair, it was bright ginger
44. He was arrested when he was 20 for riding a motorbike on the pavement
45. He was aquitted cos there wasn't enough evidence to convict him
46. He was 'adopted' by his auntie when he was 11 because grandad fucked off to Wales and left him behind
47. He was devestated when Grandad passed away.
48. Grandma died when he was tiny
49. He desparately wants me to have kiddies. Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa
50. He's my daddy and i love him to pieces!!

Happy daddy day dad!! There's a box of mints winging their way to you!! Don't eat them all at once will you??

Oh, and a John Smiths on the bar at work. Don't tell mum!!

Photos for you...

As you would of read before in this blog, Me and D had our engagement party last weekend that was fandabbydozy!! I thought i would share some of the highlights with you...

Me and D...


This is me and D all happy and loved up as you would be if you got engaged!! I'm quite bolloxed in this picture so please excuse my drunken posing...

Ooooo Cutting the cake...


D's stepdad made us cut the cake! Duh?? I thought you only did that at weddings??? I look really fat in this photo. I promise you, i'm not that fat at all!! (or so D tells me). I have a small child attached to my arm here. She is my niece. She loves me because i'm 'naughty'. I'm 'naughty' because i work in a pub. Work that one out!!

I do have more photos to share with you but i will do that another time as my internet is being really, really crap and s. l. o. w. again.

Tsk..

Did anyone think that Michael Jackson would actually be convicted of the child molesting charges against him?? Personally, i hate to see anyone get off so lightly when it comes to vile actions against children, no matter how famous or well loved they are. He may well be innocent, but c'mon, you think?. I have my own opinions on Michael Jackson. I won't bore you with them but let me say he is just one of the 'did he, didn't he' child molesters that have escaped the ass rimming nightmare of prison. Lets hope he doesn't start doing things he shouldn't with kiddies (again??) and end up back where he started, eh?

Enough of MJ, here are the latest antics of Darth and his evil twin...

Oh how they make me laugh! They seem to be getting on a bit better now. Not so much of the fang fighting they were doing. Barnaby still chucks a mental every time Darth goes near his shit pit. Darth still sits there and takes the abuse. But when they put their lil heads together and think up an amazing kitty plan, there's no stopping them...

I actually watched them find a way to climb up onto the kitchen worktop the other day. Darth sat in front of the drawers, licking his ball space when Barnaby took off, jumped onto poor unsuspecting Darth and sank his claws into the dado rail thing that makes the drawers look pretty. The drawer then slowly opened and Darth, clocking onto the idea, clambered up Barnaby and climbed into the drawer. Barnaby followed and then they both quite happily climbed up onto the worktop and sat there congratulating themselves by licking each other.

Then i come along and wreck their new found happiness... Mwahhhh ha ha ha haaaaaaaa!!
I growled 'whadayathinkurdoinulilbastards'. They both jumped a mile and fell off the worktop. Awww, all their hard work undone by me, the one who feeds them. Har har haaaar!!!

Barnaby managed to trap his paw in the folding chair last night. He mewed quietly for a bit and then started to hiss quite evily at the poor chair until D came along and released him. Barnaby then beat up the chair while Darth watched from the top of the sofa with a chip clamped in his gob. I'm keep a messy house, that chip was from the chip shop tea we had 3 days ago. It must of fallen off mine or D's plate onto the floor and then somehow got under the sofa. There was bits of fluff on it and everything... euwww!

Awww look at the little kitties...

Awwww how sweet...



Cute don't you think??

My weekend...

Ahem... My weekends antics included...

Lots and lots of helium
Lots and lots of buffetlicious type food
Lots and lots of disco music
Lots and lots of booze
Lots and lots of people...

Can you guess what i did???? No?? Then i will tell you...

Me and D had our engagement party - Woohoo lots and lots of pressies and free booze and munchies for meeeeeee!!!!!!! By the way, if you wish to send me pressies, argos vouchers will be just dandy thank you, then click here and i will send you my address!!!

Its was utterly fabulous!! Lots of people came that shocked me cos i thought loads wouldn't bother. I seen friends that i hadn't seen in donkeys years and even my dad was drunk. If you knew my dad, then you would find that fact alone soooo amusing you would laugh your panties off!! It was brilliant! I'm sooo chuffed!

Then we went home to find that one of the cats had barfed all over the hall carpet, just where the carpet meets the laminate flooring of the kitchen. Just the wrong side of the divider. Fucks sake cat, next time, puke ON the laminate, the Lam.In.Ate. Not difficult to move your head slightly to the right is it??? So i spent a good 15 mins scrubbing the carpet clean of cat vomit, then another 5 washing the cat vomit off my foot. that'll teach me to kick my heels off in merriment as i walk through the front door won't it??

Just wait til i find out which cat it was... I'll show it the wok. It'll soon learn!!

Siblings...

Remember me harping on about my kitty? Well his brother has come to stay while my friend looks after her mums jack russell for 2 weeks.

Apparently, Barnaby (his name) was terrorising the poor defenceless pooch by sinking his fangs into his neck/arse/paws/eyes/ears...

Barnaby is now terrorising my poor defenceless Darth by sinking his fangs into his neck/arse/paws/eyes/ears...

I would of thought that Darth would be able to stand up for himself better after practising his biting technique on me the past few weeks but alas no... he is kindly letting the evil one of the two lay into him quite savagely.

I mean, come on!! There was nothing Darth liked better than to have a human body part in between his teeth, chomping away without a care in the world. But it seems that poor old Darthy has met his match!!

It all came to a head last night when Darth used Barnabys shit pit. O.M.G! I've never seen a cat go quite as mad as this one. If he could talk he would of said...

'Oi.. OI!!! Get the FUCK out of my shit pit you FUCKING piece of cats shit!!!! NOW!!'

He then preceeded to drag poor Darth out by the back leg.

I think this cats going back to beat up the pooch, at least he has size on his side!!

Mind you, Darth did a spectacular back flip off the computer desk and onto Barnabys face earlier... That's my boy!!

never rains....

Nope, my day has got no better. I won't inundate you with my whinges. I'm gonna try and be a jolly girl...

....

..
.

Ain't working is it??

Ah well, in time i will stop feeling sorry for myself and move on. I just really wanna go home now and get copious amounts of cuddles from D.

Anyone got £3000 they can lend me?? I'll pay you back, promise!! Mwah mwah, grovel...

Love to you all.

Bummer, bum bum bum :(

A very sad day today. I won't post any details about it but if you would like to hear why my day as quite literally turned into one of the worst days of my little pissy life then ask me here and all shall be revealed!!

The reason why i'm quite reluctant to post about my sad day is basically because i don't want the people that have access to my pc to stumble across this blog and have reason to shout/dump/discipline/fire me.

A very bummerish day for me.

And lunchtime isn't even over...

Another day, another ton of questions

Just a little something a strange man asked me to do... If you read this strange man, i hope you are satisfied. Not sure where you nicked this from but surely the last question is something from the crevices of your brain???

1. What time did you get up this morning? - 7.30am - 20 minutes late
2. Diamonds or pearls? - Diamonds, pearls are a bit false looking for me.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? - Monster in Law.
4. What is your favourite TV show? - BB6 at the mo
5. What is your middle name? - Jane
6. What is your favorite cuisine? - Good ol' english roast dinners
7. What foods do you dislike? -Eggs, mayo, parsnips & swede
8. What is your favourite crisp flavour? - Beef and onion
9. What is your favourite CD at the moment? - Ben Folds Five - Whatever and ever Amen
10. What kind of vehicle do you drive? - Nissan Micra 1 litre
11. What is your Favourite sandwich? - Cheese and tomato. Must be grated
12. What characteristics do you despise? - Rudeness, Aloofness
13. What is your Favourite item of clothing? - My dark blue jeans
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? - Florida
15. What colour is your bathroom? - Magnolia and pink tiles
16. What colour pants are you wearing? - Black short type things
17. Where would you retire to? - Goodrington, Devon
18. What is your Favourite time of the day? - 5.00pm - time to go home
19. What was your most memorable birthday? - The one where i had a stamp set. I cried for ages
20. What's the last thing you ate? - Beef hula hoops
21. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? - Purple
22. What is your Favorite flower? - Moon Daises
23. What Fabric detergent do you use? - Daz tablets
24. Coke or Pepsi? - Full fat coca cola
25. Do you wish on stars? - sometimes
26. What is your shoe size? - 7
27. Do you have any pets? - A kitten called Darth Vadar
28. Last person you talked to on the phone? Steve round the back
29. What did you want to be when you were little? - Married with lots of money
30. What are you meant to be doing now? - at Sainsburys, buying ones lunch
31. What do you first notice about someone? - Their shoes. Don't ask
32. What was your favourite toy as a child? - A toy bunny called Flopsy. I still have it
33. Summer or winter? - Summer
34. Hugs or Kisses? - Hugs
35. Chocolate or vanilla? - Chocolate
36. Who is most likely to respond? - Anyone who feels like it
37. Who is least likely to respond? - Most people
38. Living arrangements? - D and Me and Darth
39. When was the last time you cried? - Last night when Darth sank his fangs into my hand
40. What is under your bed? - boxes of crap
41. How many countries have you visited? - Ireland (just the ferry port), France (the alpes), Southern France, Gran Canaria, America (Florida), Most of the UK.
42. In how many cities have you lived? - Just this one
43. Favourite movie of all time? - Watership Down
44. Mountains or beach? - Beach
45. The current friend you have known the longest? - Dean & Si - 22 years
46. Full names of your potential kids? - Jamie (boy), Sophie (girl)
47. What is your Usual bedtime? - 1.00am. Just back from work
48. What are you most scared of? - Spiders and scary movies
49. Have you ever been in love? - still am
50. Do your nipples stick out constantly? - WTF?? No, only when aroused/cold

Now you have a go...

I've got an owie!!

and it hurts... sob sob.

As i may have mentioned before i have 2 jobs, one in an office and one in a pub. I hate my office job, i love my pub job. I can't give up my office job because it pays my bills. My pub job gives me a social life and pays for my tia maria's and feeds me. My fiance is my boss at the pub and he loves nothing better than to boss me about when at work together. Anyway, last night while stood behind the bar twiddling my thumbs and dreaming up ways to cure my boredom, (Monday nights in the pub... Boring!!!) D decides that i am to bottle up the fridges and clean the shelves. No problemo i say and set about carrying out my meinial task of making sure all the bottles are facing the front and rotating the stock and blah blah blah. D then decides that i am to clean all the glass doors with Windowlene. Ok. So i then scrub at 8 glass doors trying to get rid of the severe smears that i have created with the sodding Windowlene. D, gleefully observing my struggle from afar decides then that i am to clean all the optics, the backs and the walls behind. Oh, and the clock. Now come on, me thinks D is taking the piss somewhat. But, the good little employee that i am cleans away and eventually finishes all the tasks set before me.

Now, i thought, i bloody well better get a good shag out of this!! Did i?? Did i fuck! He goes to sleep, on the sofa, with the remote control underneath him so i have zero chance of changing the channel to E4 to watch Big Brother Live. So people, what interesting goings on in the BB house did i miss last night?? Evil Darth bit me again and again. I threatened him with the vet, he looked at me with his evil beady eyes and dared me to. So i showed him the carry case, and he rolled over and showed me the gap where his balls should be. Touche to the cat i think.

Anyway, i got my own back this morning... I made D clean out Darths shit pit. And yes, i stood back and joyfully watched him go a sickly shade of green when the smell wafted up his nostrils. He didn't eat his breakfast either. Awwwww.

And just a quick bitch... Catsan odour control cat litter. Claims to eliminate the smell of cat doings. Well, by the look on D's face this morning i would safely say that Catsan talk a load of bollocks!!

This is what happens...

...when you work in a pub with no customers...



i went to sleep like this according to D and was out for about 3/4s of an hour until someone came in!

I can sleep anywhere me!!!

Shit taste in music? Why thanks then.

Apparently i have shite taste in music. This is from someone i very kindly went out of my way to give a lift to the pub Saturday night. Ungrateful cow!

In my car CD player at the mo i have my Ben Folds Five CD playing. It's called Whatever and ever Amen and i think it's quite cool in a funky jazzy amercian way. I've had it for years and every now and then i fancy airing it through my car speakers at a volume that leave my ears ringing for hours afterwards!! But thats upto me isn't it?? It's my car therefore i shall play what i like. I do turn the volume down if i have passengers because that's just the kinda polite girl i am!

It upsets me though, when my taste in music is laughed at by people who i thought knew me well enough to understand that i like to listen to a bit of non mainstream music sometimes.

Anyway, here is a list of my 10 fave albums - in no particular order - so you all can judge for yourselves if my taste in music is shite. For some bizarre reason I would like to hear your comments on this.

1. Ben Folds Five - Whatever and Ever Amen. (fabulous!! Fab Fab Fab)
2. Gonga - gonga. (Brilliant local Bristol band that delights the heavy metalness inside me)
3. Scissor Sisters - Scissor Sisters. (I looooove that man!!! Come, sing to me then shag me rotten!)
4. Erasure - pop! - (Oh how i love to hate yoooouuuuu, i love to hate youuuuuuuu...)
5. Tears for Fears - greatest hits. (Ahhh the 80's child within me loves to croon along to this)
6. Roxy Music - The best of.. (Bryan Ferry can sing me to sleep...)
7. Aerosmith - Get a Grip. (memories of growing up, drinking Mad Dog 20/20, throwing up in fields... Ahhh my mispent youth...)
8. Queen - greatest hits 2. (Only cos i wanna shag Roger Taylor!!! Oh, and their shit hot music drives me wiiiild)
9. Moby - Play. (Great to drive long distance to)
10. Manic St Preachers - Everthing must go. (Because it's goooooooood!!)

There you go!! What are your 10 fave albums of all time?? Tell me, tell me, TELL ME!!!!!

Reason why she's pissy today? No one likes my music - sob!!

Bastards!!!

Just a quickie today because i have to go home and sort out some bailiffs that have apparently turned up at my flat threatening to force their way into my flat and take goods to the value of the amount owning.

Would be nice if it was actually me who owed the money, not some bloke who lived there 2 years ago.

Like i said to the woman on the phone, force your way in and let my kitten out onto the main road and i will sue you for every god damn fucking penny you might have.

Bastards!!!! I'm sooooo fucking miffed it's scary!

Praise the lord for he has accomplished the impossible..

A Quote from the love of my life;

'You can have a cat, but don't expect me to go anywhere near it's poo. That's your job! I will feed it and play with it but poo handling just doesn't come into it. I would quite happily snog John (his boss) before i pick up shit'

Hubby to be has just enlightened me that he has cleaned out Darth's shit pit. This is from the bloke who insisted that going anywhere near cat shit of any shape or form will make him vomit and die violently.

Just goes to show that you blokes are wusses. Big ones.

I'm taking it you have snogged your boss then..? Is this a full on affair or just a one off?? Actually don't tell me, i'll just wait and see if you clean it out for a second time... Then i'll know...

Lord Vadar... Rise

Here he is... Darth Vadar!!!!!

Thanks to the wonderful Ms Mac for helping me post pictures!! You are the best!

I will now inundate you with copious amounts of photos of my pussy...



This is my pussy hiding from the mad girl with the camera shoved in his mush...



This is my pussy on top of a stick. See how he balances. How i long to push him off! Darth kebab anyone??

And this is me and my man...



Not a great photo but who cares!! It's meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

I can post photos!!! Haaaaa ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

ok then

I've just received a phone call from D. Thought i'd share with you what i have to live with...

do dododo dododo dododo deedeedeedeedee dee dee (tune to Scissor Sister's Comfortably Numb fills the air...)

Me: Helloooooooo
D: Alright, it's me
M: Hello, you ok?
D: Yeah. Listen, the cats done a poo and i'm not clearing it up.
M: Ok, i'll do it when i get home. Don't worry...
D: You know cat poo make's me heave so i'll leave it for you.
M: Yes, you've said. i get rid of it later.
D: I've had to go sit in the kitchen. It's making me want to puke.
M: Ok, ok. Does it smell that bad?
D: No, can't smell it.
M: Where is it?
D: What?
M: The poo.
D: In the litter tray.
M: Right. Bye then.

Darths litter tray is more of a litter hut. It has four walls and a roof. It has a cat flap. To know if Darth has had a poo you have to either: a. get on your hands and knees and look through the flap. b. take the roof off.

And my hubby to be would know Darth's had a poo because??

You do the math.

No flies on my man!!